David Sedaris moved from New York to Paris where he attempted to learn French. His teacher, a sadist, declared that every day spent with him was like giving birth the Caesarean way! These hilarious essays were inspired by that move.;Introduction to the 2013 edition -- One (Go Carolina ; Giant dreams, midget abilities ; Genetic engineering ; Twelve moments in the life of the artist ; You can't kill the rooster ; The youth in Asia ; The learning curve ; Big boy ; The great leap forward ; Today's special ; City of angels ; A shiner like a diamond ; Nutcracker.com) -- Deux (See you again yesterday ; Me talk pretty one day ; Jesus shaves ; The tapeworm is in ; Make that a double ; Remembering my childhood on the continent of Africa ; 21 down ; The city of light in the dark ; 1 pledge allegiance to the bag ; Picka pocketoni ; I almost saw this girl get killed ; Smart guy ; The late show ; I'll eat what he's wearing).